WIthdrawl

I withdrew from school on Monday. There were many reasons for this, but mostly it was that I was having academic issues. Maybe I could have fought my way through them, but I feel that just wasn't going to happen at CCBC. Too many problems with the staff. However, I have not given up on being an RN. I need to find a school without the things that were happening at the old school. Stay tuned, I'm not done just yet.

Namaste'

Lesko Again?

Last year at this time, I had a instructor who seemed hell bent on making the students' lives miserable. This year, same thing, different instructor. This one is disrespectful, catty, and talks to students as if they are red-headed stepchildren. (no offense meant to anyone red-headed or a stepchild or both) I'm beginning to wonder if its just not the culture of nursing school. The older the teachers are, the worse they become. She's even sunk to insulting a person's upbringing in front of their peers and the RN's. As this semester drags on, I feel even more that I am wasting my time with these people. Turning the other cheek accomplishes only that we receive more verbal abuse, and subtle admonitions in the anecdotal notes makes me passive/aggressive. I wrote the administrator of the program today, and I'm waiting to see her reaction. I must admit, however, I have little hope for all of this. Nursing may have been a very expensive mistake. We shall see, though.

Part II

I received my anecdotal for last week today and I obviously seriously pissed off the instructor. I tried my best to apologize for any mistakes I may have made, and all I got in return was venom and anger. Oh, and a meeting with administration on Monday. It may be the end of Nursing school for me, but I'm prepared for that. I'm no longer attached to the idea of being a nurse, so if I am asked to leave, or I find it's time to make that decision myself, I'm gonna be OK with that.

Namaste'

Discrimination?

When I first started this blog, I wrote an entry regarding being a male nurse and some of the "stuff" that goes along with it. I also wrote that I had not experienced for myself any of those things. In the meantime, I've talked to a number of graduates of the school I am attending, and most of them (women included) say that it is full of "men-haters" (their words, not mine). At first I was inclined to pass it off as just people talking, but the longer I'm there, the more I see it. Instructors that barely recognize I exist, much less have any respect for me. RN's in the clinical setting that OBVIOUSLY have no use for men in general, much less as nurses. (Labor & delivery) It makes me wonder about the wisdom in choosing to try and make it in this most noble and compassionate of professions. I've seen that female RN's are (only some are, the majority aren't) catty, backstabbers, and would take any opportunity to make your life miserable. I will continue my quest nonetheless. There is little I can do for those who choose to cause suffering instead of relieving it, and only control my reactions and what I do. I continue to pray for those people that they may see the effect they have, and that they find it in them to stop. Me, I'll keep trying to make this work out.

Namaste'

Why?

You know, I'm getting tired of the silly shit at school. Every time I have a different instructor, There's different ways of doing things. Anecdotal notes; something I find a bit silly, since I'm supposed to tell the instructor what I did. Or in the rotation's case, I'm not really sure what I supposed to write. It changes weekly. Care Plans, something I've complained about to administration and instructors about for over a year now, but I guess that my thoughts (and the administrator's words) mean little. Today, we found out where we were supposed to go for our School Nurse "experience". Nothing like prior notice. And our previously "published" schedule has changed twice .......today. Add on to that the fact that I worked last night, and got NO sleep, and the personal problems we're having, you end up with a VERY cranky student nurse. I'm seriously considering dropping out of the program because I'm just tired of having to ask the question......
WHY?

Part II

I accepted the job at Masonic Village since it's closer to home and pays better.

An interesting dilemna

Since the debacle @ WHHR, I've been looking for a job to replace it. I've used all the normal resources, and up until yesterday.....nothin'. Today however, is a different story. Both Kindred Hospital in Beaver and Masonic Village in Sewickley have contacted me with job offers. So which do I choose? I have to take into consideration not only money, (still a major factor) but scheduling, patient/CNA ratios, even distance from home. Crys & I are still discussing it and I'll post more when I know more.

Hoops

I have found that some folks' goal in life is to make things as difficult for others as possible. Take for instance.......Nursing School. When I received the readmit letter, there were (as usual) some hoops I had to jump through to come back. Nothing major, mind you, but some of the things I had to go through were....should I say....unnecessary. Another TB test is something that I did not agree with, however. Having tested positive for a latent TB infection in April for the WHHR job, I figured that I would have to see my PCP and have her simply sign off on it. Well, there was no chance of that happening. She insisted on me having another PPD test (although once one tests positive, that is highly discouraged), and seemed to take offense to my disagreement with this. So, after holding my readmit paperwork hostage for a few hours, I was given them back with the admonition that I HAD to re-take the PPD test. (as recommended by the Allegheny County Health office) Now I'm still not sure why Allegheny County was involved, since I don't;
1. live there
2. go to a doctor there.
3. generally have anything to do with the place.

So, I offered up another solution, seeing a Pulmonologist, which the nurse who admonished me (Dr was apparently too busy to talk) seemed surprised by, but said was OK. I made an appointment with a doctor Crys was familiar with, and he was everything my PCP wasn't. he prescribed the meds I would need, gave me all the info I wanted, and I walked out of there feeling much better about the whole situation.

Now, I gotta go get dressed & take what paperwork I have up to the school, and make sure there is nothing left for me to do (or hoops to jump through).

We'll see......

Namaste'

I'm Back!

Just got the letter yesterday that I'm going back to Nursing school in the fall. A packet came in the mail with a list of hoops that I'll need to jump through; you know, physical, TB test (failed), state background checks, and a new one, the requirement that I pass a math test to get in. I wonder, didn't I pass 14 of 14 math tests just recently?

Oh well, as we all know, college is mostly about jumping through administration's hoop, anyway. I'm just glad I'm going back!

Namaste'

Disappointment

Well the job is over @ WHHR. A number of things caused this, but hard work WASN'T one of them. When I was hired, I asked what the patient/CNA ratio was. The person I asked was obviously surprised by this, and stated 12:1. I have seen that only on 1 day. Mostly, its 14 or even 16 to 1, and my last day there, it was 18:1. And they wonder why they constantly turn over staff and why they have so many calloffs. Mostly, I like the residents, and they were not only nice to me, but were gracious, and thanked me often for helping them. WHat a shame the management can't get their act together.

So far so good....

It's been 3 of 4 orientation days now, and it's not been too bad. It's really the same type of work I was doing @ HVB, but these patients are here for longer. Most of the CNA's know the patient's needs and preferences by heart, and that's something I'll need to get, but I can't complain. But, as I learned from the last employer, sometimes things change. we'll see...

Namaste'

Back to it......

Well, today I start orienting at my new job at a local long-term care facility. As usual, I enter this with a bit of trepidation, due to not knowing exactly what to expect. Some good things, though; at a paperwork session I had to attend yesterday, I found that one of the RN's at the facility is the mom of one of my Nursing school classmates, and on top of that he works there too! At least I'll already know someone there. But, I regress, I'm still a bit nervous over the whole thing and I see some reasons that it may not be all peaches & cream (or as much as described to me). My experience tells me that:
1. HR people are not always as truthful as possible. Let's be honest here, no-one's gonna tell you the bad stuff.
2. Unfortunately, people in healthcare tend to burn out and become bitter & angry.
3. I have yet to meet my direct supervisor, and I'm a little concerned that I've been there 5 times already & this hasn't occurred.
4. This particular facility has been owned by at least 3 different corporations prior to the current one, and all have failed miserably.
5. Being the new guy means you get treated poorly by some.

But, I'll do my best to make a good impression, and maybe it'll all be for the best. But if nothing else, I intend to relieve as much suffering as I can, and hopefully get out with my sanity intact.


Namaste'

Working again

Funny, I get my CNA certification, and exactly 1 week later I get a job. Nice to know I can still get a job in this economy.

Namaste'

A reminder

Since not much is going on in the way of nursing, I have been trying to take care of life stuff and trying to be mindful, compassionate, and follow the Dharma. My wife & I were getting our taxes done last night, and I was reminded about compassion by of all people, my tax preparer. Her daughter is currently in Nursing school, and a story was told to me about how much the young lady enjoyed Nursing, and how she believes that she was meant to be a nurse. I know this feeling. I have felt this way pretty much from day 1 of clinicals. I do truly enjoy helping people, and even though the pay would be nice, that's not my motivation. It's all about the patients.
Even when I was employed as a aide, I really did enjoy providing for my patient's needs.

I just wish that I had discovered this some years ago.

Namaste'

Just in case....

Now, don't get me wrong, I expect to graduate from school, pass NCLEX and become a nurse. But, I have been around the block enough times to know that sometimes things happen that are not in one's control. So, as a backup, I decided to be certified as a CNA (Certified Nursing Assistant). As with most other aspects of healthcare, you have to learn to jump through hoops to do anything. Such as getting the American Red Cross chapter in Harrisburg to not only accept my application to take the test, but to accept payment as well. It seems that unlike most organizations in this country, they do not accept personal checks. So, it took 4 tries to finally get my exam date, which is April Fool's Day. (I wonder what exactly to think of that) And I will have to count on being downtown for most of the day, which will cost at least $15 for parking. The test itself should be no big deal, since I learned all of that in 1st year of nursing school, and did that for HVHS for 6 months. Now, I wonder if this will all be worth it.
We'll see.......

Namaste'

In US and Europe, a Unified Message to China: Negotiate with the Dalai Lama on Tibet

With Chinese Foreign Minister Yang Jiechi in Washington last week, both President Obama and the U.S. House of Representatives stated that the U.S. government expects Beijing to negotiate with the Dalai Lama's representatives on a durable solution for Tibet, despite repeated demands by Chinese officials to drop the Tibet issue.

"The statements by the President and the House send an unequivocal message that the United States expects the Chinese government to negotiate sincerely with the Dalai Lama,” said Todd Stein, Director of Government Relations at the International Campaign for Tibet. "The U.S. government has reminded China’s leaders that their vision for a harmonious U.S.-China relationship will not materialize until they deal with Tibetan leaders on a durable solution for Tibet.”

On Thursday, President Obama told Foreign Minister Yang of his “hope there would be progress in the dialogue between the Chinese government and the Dalai Lama’s representatives,” according to a White House statement. This followed a State Department statement issued on the 50th anniversary of the Dalai Lama’s exile which “urge[d] China to reconsider its policies in Tibet that have created tensions due to their harmful impact on Tibetan religion, culture, and livelihoods.”

On Wednesday, the House of Representatives passed a bipartisan resolution that “calls upon the Government of the People's Republic of China to respond to the Dalai Lama's initiatives to find a lasting solution to the Tibetan issue.” The resolution (H.Res. 226), which also commemorated the 50th anniversary of the Dalai Lama’s exile, was introduced by Representatives Rush Holt (D-NJ) and Ileana Ros-Lehtinen (R-FL), and approved by an overwhelming vote of 422 to one.

In debate on the House floor, Rep. Holt, the sponsor of the resolution, said, “We urge the Chinese Government to engage in a constructive dialogue with the Dalai Lama in a sustained effort to craft a permanent and just solution that protects the rights and dignity of all Tibetans.” Rep. Ros-Lehtinen, the lead cosponsor and Ranking Member on the House Foreign Affairs Committee, said, this resolution can serve as a response to the foreign minister. The U.S. Congress has a message for the Foreign Minister of China's Communist regime, and that is that the Dalai Lama is not only a religious figure, but a person of such renown that he was granted the Congressional Gold Medal.”

House Speaker Nancy Pelosi said, “What we can do is put the moral authority of the Congress of the United States in the form of this resolution, with a broad bipartisan vote, down as a marker to say that we understand the situation there, that we encourage it to be different and … that we are on the side of the Tibetan people. On Monday, Speaker Pelosi, on behalf of the U.S. government accepted the gratitude of the Tibetan-American community as Tibetan-Americans from around the country converged on Washington to lobby Congress to continue its long-standing support for Tibet.

President Obama will met Chinese President and Party Secretary Hu Jintao in London on April 2 for the G20 Summit.

European Parliamentarians support Tibet dialogue for 50th anniversary

In a resolution adopted by the European Parliament on Thursday 12 March to mark the 50th anniversary of the Tibetan uprising against Chinese rule, the Chinese Government is urged to resume talks with the Dalai Lama's representatives with a view to "positive, meaningful change in Tibet", not ruling out autonomy, which is a solution that the parliamentarians believe would not compromise China's territorial integrity.

The European Parliament urges the Chinese government "to consider the Memorandum for Genuine Autonomy for the Tibetan People of November 2008 as a basis for substantive discussion leading towards positive, meaningful change in Tibet, consistent with the principles outlined in the Constitution and laws of the People’s Republic of China". The resolution calls on the EU Council Presidency to adopt a declaration along the same lines.

The Tibetan Memorandum, presented by envoys of the Dalai Lama at the eighth round of talks in November 2008 in Beijing, respects the principles underpinning the Chinese Constitution and the territorial integrity of the People’s Republic of China, but was rejected by the Chinese Government as an attempt at 'semi-independence' and 'independence in disguise'.

In addition, Parliament's resolution "condemns all acts of violence, whether they are the work of demonstrators or disproportionate repression by the forces of law and order". It calls on the Chinese Government "to release immediately and unconditionally all those detained solely for engaging in peaceful protest and account for all those who have been killed or gone missing".

MEPs ask the Chinese authorities "to provide foreign media access to Tibet, including the Tibetan areas outside the Tibet Autonomous Region" and "to grant UN human rights experts and recognised international NGOs unimpeded access to Tibet so that they can investigate the situation there".

The resolution was adopted by 338 votes to 131 with 14 abstentions.

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Statement from U.S. Senator Feingold on the 50th Anniversary of the Tibetan National Uprising Day

I am honored to be part of this event today as we remember the historic day in 1959 when hundreds of thousands of Tibetans risked their lives by filling the streets of Lhasa to protest the political, cultural and religious oppression that continues to this day in Tibet.  We are marking a tragic anniversary - 50 years after His Holiness the Dalai Lama and hundreds of thousands of Tibetans were forced to flee their homeland as a result of brutal repression by the Chinese government.

Standing up for human rights is not always easy, and I am pleased that the new administration appears to be committed to these critical values and to the importance of ensuring they play a central role in our foreign policies. I will continue my efforts to ensure human rights are a central part of our policy toward The People's Republic of China, and I urge the new administration to do so as well.  China's oppression of the Tibetan people must end, and the U.S. has a critical role to play in helping Tibet regain its autonomy.

Today's commemoration marks the Tibetan people's continued pursuit of their fundamental human rights, including the freedom to practice their religion, to preserve their culture and to speak their own language.  I stand with you in that pursuit.

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How can we justify this?

I saw a video shot by a Romanian cameraman on a mountain climbing expedition in Nepal recently. It shows Tibetan monks & nuns trying to cross the border into Nepal and some of them being gunned down by Chinese Red Army troops in cold blood. How appropriate that today is the 50th anniversary of the Chinese invasion of Tibet. This video is a classic example of how religious freedom and freedom in general in Tibet has been squashed by the Chinese government. And unfortunately, we Americans have been financing this sort of repressive action by buying goods made in China. Now, I realize that many times one has no choice to do so since it seems that EVERYTHING is Chinese made. Thanks to companies like Wal Mart and many others, our markets are flooded with these goods, so that they can increase their already huge profit margin. And are you aware that we owe the Chinese government billions of dollars in Fed Treasury notes? What happens when the Chinese government decides to cash these in? This country wouldn't have the resources to pay that. And then what happens? Your guess is as good as mine in this case. This may seem like it means nothing to you in your own life, and that is more than likely true, but in a country that talks a lot about personal freedoms, can we as a nation continue to justify and allow the actions shown on this video?

Namaste'

Incident?

A word of warning, I'm about to go on a political rant....

A few days ago, I emailed Secretary of State Hillary Clinton regarding her (and the Obama administration's) collective lack of backbone when the issue is Tibet. Ms. Clinton in the past had ripped W's administration in dealing with China, but when she stood face-to-face with the Chinese, she showed that she is just as much a politician as her husband was. I received an automated reply today that was labeled incident. I wonder what exactly that means. Am I considered a problem now? I realize that as a Buddhist I should just let go. But when it comes to Tibet, I have trouble what that. I cannot idly stand by and let the people of a peaceful, Buddhist nation continue to be repressed by another once-great nation.

I am both worried and upset about how dependent on China our country (and many others) has become. It seems that nearly everything I purchase has the made in China label on it, and I am aware of how much in Treasury notes the Chinese hold. I am concerned both of these will be used against us (maybe already) and how I have little choice in my money going to a government that does little but ruin its own people's lives with its policies (US) and to another that kills, detains without reason, and generally causes suffering on others. (China)

Yes, I do put my money where my sometimes-unmindful mouth is. I am a member or many groups, such as FPMT, Students for a Free Tibet, and a few others. And I do let my representatives in DC know what I feel on this subject. I just wish there was more that I could do.

Namaste'

Taking the road to becoming Buddhist

It was a (for me) strange combination of events that led me to Buddhism. For most of my life (after high school), I was I guess one could say wavering between agnostic & atheist. This comes mostly I believe, that I was forced to go a evangelical Protestant church until I graduated from high school, when I was given the option of going or not. I chose not, since about 75% of the people who went to this particular church are what I would describe as "Sunday Christians". Not to say they were bad people, but their religious practice stopped the moment the left the church parking lot. So, I kind of went along my own way, being rather the hedonist,and blowing up my 1st marriage in the process.

The a few years ago, I started noticing Buddhism. At first it was watching a documentary on the Dalai Lama on the History Channel. Then in my1st year of Nursing I noticed a classmate reading "Making The Mind an Ally", By Sakyong Mipham Rinpoche. I asked the girl what she thought of the book, and she told me that it was about meditation, but she found meditation to be incredibly boring. Then a month or so later, I saw an article in one of the Student nurse journals regarding relaxation techniques. Meditation was prominently featured, and I read it with great interest. So, I started to try my hand at meditation. I found it difficult, but having read about the potential benefits (better focus, less nervousness) I committed myself to work at it. I also bought myself a copy of the Sakyong's book, and voraciously read it. This began my path to the teaching of the Buddha. I read everything I could get my hands on regarding Buddhism, and decided to begin a practice at home, which I continue to this day. Now, I know that I really should be visiting a meditation center and become part of the Sangha (followers of the teachings of the Buddha), and I intend to do that, but only as I feel comfortable with the idea. I still read & view all that I can find on the Dharma (Teachings) and I meditate everyday for at least 10-15 minutes, but mostly I do about 30 minutes/day.I am also a member of the Foundation for the Preservation of the Mahayana Tradition, which I give to regularly. I don't know that all Buddhists would consider me much of a follower, but I'm still working on it.
An interesting insight was afforded to me recently when I mentioned to my mother that I considered myself to be Buddhist. Mom is pretty much an agnostic, but seemed interested in what Buddhism was about, and I explained (not very well) what I knew of it. Sometime later, she had mentioned my conversion to my brother who apparently thought it was humorous. Now, my brother had himself converted to Roman Catholicism some years earlier when he married his wife, something that only recently I found that my late father quietly but immensely disapproved of. My father, raised as a Baptist, had issues with Catholicism (the reasons for which I never did learn) but kept his disapproval a secret to all but Mom. Anyway, Mom told my brother of this fact and also told him that he might consider allowing me to practice my own religion in my own way, just as Dad had done for him. Very Buddhist, in her own way.
Combining My religious practice and nursing also seems a perfect fit. Buddhists aim to end suffering and Nurses do the same, except in a different manner. So, I believe for the 1st time in my life my being and my life are in synchronization.

Namaste'

Introduction

I suppose that since I just started this blog and I've been a Nursing student longer, I should write an overview of what's happened so far...

I started this journey (nursing) in the Fall of 2005 strangely enough with the intent of becoming a Rad Tech. Unfortunately, the college neglected to tell me until the fall of 2006 that they only accept 7 students into the program a year. Needless to say, I didn't make the cut since there were over 40 people trying to do the same. So, I switched my major to Nursing and started in Fall 2007. My first year went well, passing both Nursing I & II within 2% of a B. Summer went OK, but Fall 08 was not what I wanted. To be quite honest, this was at least mostly my fault. I did not put the sort of effort into Maternity lecture, my test taking strategy was wrong, and I wasn't aware that a case study I was responsible for meant that I was also responsible for being the instructor, which I feel I was not prepared to do nor do I feel that I was qualified to do. Consequently, I failed Maternity by 4%. Critical care started poorly, but I picked it up, and managed a strong C. Pediatrics was a whole other situation. The clinical end of it was in my opinion, nearly a waste of time. We were NOT permitted to do anything aside from bathe & feed the babies, and though I tried to learn as much as I could, it was a little frustrating. Lecture was worse. The teacher did not seem interested in her task, and she seemed to not care for any sort of questioning. I studied harder for this rotation than any other, and ended up failing the semester by.2%. That's 2/10 of 1%. So, (space depending) I'll be back to re-take the semester in this fall ('09), with at least the advantage of having done it once already and a knowledge of what I did wrong. That, and with a renewed sense of purpose.

Namaste'